all things aside
"Henry," said the Basil Hallward, looking him straight in the face, "every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the colored canvas, reveals himself." - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
for we were wonderfully and fearfully created by the wonderful Artist before there was time. and it's in us that He reveals parts of himself.... our true selves, sans masks and disguises, is how God created us. and who' are we to hide such magnificent artwork behind a mask that we have imperfectly molded out of playdoh?
hold me.. break me... mold me and make me more and more like You.. i come to worship You.
just some thoughts inspired by english =)
make me an orange!
does it count to be currently playing if i dont have the actual song.... but it's playing in my head?
... we'll say it counts :)
tonight was it. one of those nights where, in years to come, we'll laugh at ourselves. because we were just silly, high school kids. because noone ever heard of making a balloon in the shape of an orange. because it was just like any other night in every way, individual in the small breaths that made this night tonight. and because i'm usually not allowed out on weeknights, it was refreshing. just like the mud.
and when he finally realized that said van was stuck and went inside to find josh, i just sat. with fresh knowledge of how to drive stick, and remembering what happened the last time i sat in a driver's seat. and looking up, at a hazy sky sprinkled with dimming stars.... the lyrics for how great is our God came out.
it's been a long/good night.
anyway. take a look at living water's front lawn. nice lawn decoration, no? =)
and i'm thinking about what it means to live out 1 peter 4:8.
despite anything and everything.
NIV with a ribbon bookmark
And one of the many firsts of the weekend - hearing this song. This weekend's been filled with music.... mm. Map through songs:
Fall Out Boy - Where is Your Boy Tonight
David Crowder Band - Deliver Me
Mercyme - All of the Above
Mercyme - The Love of God
Mercyme - Crazy
had falloutboy stuck in my head all day, after it was on repeat in the yearbook office. was amazingly blessed when my mom let me go to youth group, where i was reminded about family. i know i boy-bash a lot, but i guess i'm being constantly pushed to love brothers despite stupidity and denseness :) wait wait.. no more bashing... hmm.. despite... miscommunications? yeah :)
Kepano Green - Weekend in Boston
Mercyme - The Love of God
Audio Adrenaline - This Day
Third Day - Nothing Compares
good conversations along with long naps! found out i could go to church on sunday too :) He's so faithful.
Mercyme - The Love of God
Dashboard Confessional - Sailors and Saints
Dashboard Confessional - Rapid Hope Loss
Hilary Duff - So Yesterday
was a little late to sunday, but it's okay b/c it was for coffee :D wedding excitements!! missed most of the message, but it's okay... nice time of re-bonding and just talking. then it was a weekend in boston market! with their yummy mashed potatoes. then a slew of frustrations, realizations, more frustrations, more realizations, and a glimpse at a bigger picture. He's faithful though.... wow, is He faithful =)
Mercyme - The Love of God
Caedmon's Call - Before There Was Time
Hillsong - All About You
Shane Barnard - Refine Me
long drives in gloomy weather, wendy's "hot drink," and more planning, talking, and healing :) [pictures shall be put them up later]
It's kinda funny how our moods define the music we listen to... from moopy Dashboard, to times of reassurance. Funny, yet oddly comforting that I listened to The Love of God all weekend... no matter if what sort of a mood I'm in. And here, at the end of the weekend... it's Baby Got Book, yes, but with a little bit more wisdom than thursday, a little bit more refine-ment, and a lot of You.
thanks for the weekend :)
above all, love each other deeply... for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 peter 4:8
you've made my mind up for me
when you started to ignore me
you won't see a single tear
it isn't gonna happen here
if it's over, let it go
come tomorrow, it'll seem so yesterday
i'm just a bird that's already flown away
laugh it off
let it go
when you wake up, it'll seem so yesterday
haven't you heard that i'm gonna be okay?
i think you guys rock my world =)
the love of God is GREATER than....
and catch your breath
when all the world stops
And then the world stopped, even if it was just for a second. You said I couldn't keep fooling myself. You asked me to stop and rest, but I didn't listen. You provided water, but I knocked over Your table with the little Gatorade cups as I tried to make it through this race on my own.
it's kinda funny how things end up like that. when we stop, and realize that there's nothing around us. there's nothing, yet there's everything in You. and You remain faithful... even when we don't. through brothers and sisters who poured out their love on someone utterly in shock on Friday in the aftermaths of 7:49 am. through the phone calls and the IMs and the emails and the visits... and the coffee and the food =) how different this friday was from the last.... different, yet the same. You're still You.
i've had kepano green on repeat for maybe a week. yet i've replaced weekend to boston with miracle.
My child, listen carefully.... listen to this song that I sing. Let it sink, deep into your soul. I see the way that you've been hurting, tired from the weight of your burden, but I want to come and bear your load.....
But I see you're holding on to tears, all the questions, all of the fears, all the things that keep you from believing. But what more can I do? What must I say to prove that I love you, and I am never leaving?
Well I've told you this, but I don't think you heard me.... so please hear me now....
When you need me, I'll come to you.... and when you are weary, I'll hold you up. There's no need for you to worry, cuz I could never break a promise, no.....
Stronger than the wind that blows you, deeper than the night that enfolds you, greater than the power of temptation. I will cause the sun to break through,never will I leave or forsake you, I commit myself to your salvation.....
And you'll never grow too big for me to carry. This is the Father's love:
When you need me I'll come to you.... and when you are weary, I'll hold you up. There's no need for you to worry, cuz I could never break a promise, no.....
And when the fire rises, You will be protected. And if the sky should fall, there is shelter beneath my wings. I have written your name on my heart...You are mine.
junior whatever technical crap
WYSE was today. So Durg and I decide to psych some of the kids out while taking our first Math test... and thus resulted in the following convo:
Me: So... what's the pythagorean theorem again? A squared something?
Durga: Oh I don't know... A sqaured plus... C squared? And that's the longer side?
Random girl from Westmont: It's A^2 + B^2 = C^2.
Me and Durga: Hehehehe.
Dan: Nono let's do it the other way. *louder* Do you remember what the fundamental theorem for triple integrals is?
Me: No sorry... I only know theorem for double integrals.
Random guy from NNHS: It's the same thing, just do it again.
Haha... we later find out he's the famous _____ ______. So no surprise there... but nonetheless, funny :D It's things like this that'll I'll remember next year in college while studying triple integrals.....
Then during awards:
Megan: Look at them! *points to two kids playing chess during awards assembly* They're not even listening to the junior.... whatever technical crap stuff. (JETS :D)
Randy: You think that's bad?? At sectionals, one kid was playing chess by himself!
This is why I like science and math =)
It's 6:40 in the morning. On a Wednesday morning. Ash Wednesday.
Thinking about what Lent.... and what I'm doing this year, and trying not to wonder if I can, if I should, if it's too much, if it's too little, what others will think.
But most of all... I think i'm excited =)
If we don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it's not because we have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because we have nibbled so long at the table of the world... Our soul is stuffed with small things, and there is no room for great. - John Piper
don't break the ice
It's hard to remember that we can't earn His love. That we can't do anything, say anything, accomplish anything that would make Him love us any more. I guess it works the other way, too - no matter what we don't do, don't say, He loves us anyway.....
A lot of things have been cluttering my mind lately. This entire week has felt like Icarus himself, flying low and high, and low and high again. Filled with encouragements and blessings - I felt like I could've gone on and on during the meeting Sunday. Filled with... not so encouraging too.
Spanish quiz, Physics test and Tutored today. Finished reading Jemima J today - thinking about making a list of all the books read in 2005. Tomorrow, IML and extra Regionals math team practice after school. Found out that someone can't go to WYSE Regionals this Thursday - have to fill in for math and physics. Tomorrow - psych test, Physics test. That's the school aspect... that, along with worries about everything else.... it's overwhelming. It's more to think about, worry about, be anxious about... and it keeps piling up. You tell me to toss them aside, to fix my eyes on You alone... I'm complaining that it's easier to hide. To slump into the endless whatevers....
There's this man-made pond outside the window of the yearbook office. After the meeting today, I looked out... and saw this kid on the edge of the pond. He hesitated before stepping out on the ice, then kinda ran out, eyes closed and arms up. He slid for about five feet, (because it was ice, of course) then stopped.
I love how he didn't care that the entire school could've been watching. I love how he slid around that pond, jumping up and down even, caring very little about the possibilities of the ice cracking and him falling into the ice. I love how he acted with such reckless abandon.
What happens when the music fades?
When you can't hear the sound?
Did you ever consider?
Did it ever come to you...?
Do you ever miss...?
When all is stripped away.....
waves of mercy
I love going to math meets. Not just because I'm a math nerd, love learning about new calculator tricks, and especially the free fruit punch and cookies, but because of the people. My sophomore and junior years, when I couldn't go to church regularly, I'd always look forward to meets.... because we'd play schools such as Naperville North, Downers North and South, Hinsdale South, etc. And I've love seeing people... friends, more than friends, people who I've grown to care for a love in a way I never thought possible.
Thursday was such an experience. I'm not sure if they understoof how much of a blessing it was for me to see them at the meet..... not because I couldn't see them the next friday, but because I could. Because I knew that I'd be seeing them soon.... not in some dinky hallway while listening to crackling Chris Tomlin songs while drinking mocha lattes, but in Your presence with LOUD prayers and praises and soaking in Your water.
And.. this came to me tonight, after I found that I could go to church around 8, but couldn't get a ride. So I wallowed with some chocolate ice cream and Remember the Titans and proceeded to think about how many times I was in a similar situation, stuck at home on a Friday night. Then... the movie ended, and I came back to my room with intentions of posting about how thankful I was for little things like seeing siblings at math meets. And how big of a math dork I am (see previous comments for how dorky math dorks really are :D).
But.... man. I checked my cell phone around 9 and found out that I'd missed three calls... I think I have the coolest friends ever. They offered to come get me, but I told them not to since it was already too late... and by the time someone came and went back, it'd be 9:30. And so I sat, thinking some more about how blessed I was that I had friends to offer to do that... when the doorbell rings. And who else is standing in the doorway but one of the dorkiest brothers I know. Even if I was in sg for only half an hour.... wow.
I'm so utterly thankful for sisters and brothers such as these in my life.... =)
There should be an exclamation mark after that song title. O Praise Him!!!!! Okay, many exclamation marks =)
Peeling and poking with my XXs
'Wave of Help'
Moses and other biblical names
CML - product rule!!
Seeing Your faithfulness during times of mourning
... and times of joy =)
Kermits and Scarves
Mr. Stephen Daedelus
(I'll add more later... math meet time soon!)
Seeing people you know (aka TS, KL, and LC if you went to practices :P) at math meets :D
.... winning math meets :D :D
Posting successive comments on the same labtop while listening to Chris Tomlin and trying to read about hell and damnation o_O
Meeting people that show you the world is a small place indeed
Calculators saying: Overflow
Hillsong during lunch
It's been a long, full, tiring, sine-curve-resembling, encouraging, presence filled week. And tomorrow is Friday =)
it's so simple
It's so simple. How could I not have seen it?
These past two weeks have been unbearably long. Filled with ups and downs and lefts and rights and who knows what we're doing anymore or where we're going.
Saturday, when I was reeling over some silly band, news of a death brought me back crashing into reality. Sunday, the realization of what wonderful sisters I have was overwhelming. Yesterday at school, as I was running to spanish class, I started to sing Indescribable.... and wondered how many kids would/could recognize the song. Yesterday, while I was feeling just... blah about college, school, friendships, relationships, life, death, everything... my loving sisters lifted me up like no other.
All other ground is sinking sand....
And now... here I am, in the middle of my psych notes after a solid hour of Mr. James Joyce, listening to This is Our God on repeat. This is the one... YOU are the one we have waited for. Sometimes I love songs like these because of the utter simplicity. Take out the adjectives, the decorative jargon, words fit only for literature majors, and make it simple: He is who He is. Refuge, Shelter, Father, Healer, Fountain, Lover.... this is our God. After another whirlwind of a day, including .... sigh. It was a first, but it feels weird to say it was encouraging the way You're holding onto this family like no other, comforting them, walking next to them no matter how many breaks they have to take or pauses they need. Because You are You... and You won't leave us to be devoured. Because You're faithful. And it's just as simple as that... I just need to remember.
14 Wait for the LORD ;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD . - Psalm 27