Sometimes I think it'd be easier to be younger... to have leaders take care of me, baby me, make sure I'm okay.... but all things have a season. Maybe it's my season to step out of that stage of youth... into one with more responsibility. It's been exhausting though... especially with this Senior Thesis on the loose, it's been tough.... even off of 5, 6 hours of sleep, I feel like I'm going to fall over in the halls.
But through it all.... God's been teaching me....
how to listen through accountability
how to pray with a heart of conviction
me the absolute need for prayer... and the power of it
the power in truth and love... how easy it is to fall away from that...
the importance of patience... with my parents, with my peers, with my friends especially...
but most of all, he's been teaching me about love....true love. I'm old enough for it now. About the burden of love... but the joy and encouragement through it. It's been one tough journey so far... and it's definitely pushing me to my limits... but we are hard-pressed but never shattered.... haha, something else i'm learning - rely on his promises!
Growing older.... but growing up :)
Edit: Speaking of love... haha
You guys definitely made one supercalifragilisticespialidocious night =D
I don't see any Preps here
Thus began the "Homecoming Week." For some reason, I have the inexpicable urge to participate this year.. whether it be that it's Senior Year, or... I just feel goofier this year? Haha. Prep day = the same thing that most HCHS kids wear everyday.
So we were talking in psychology today about Milgram's experiment. Basically he told people he was doing an experiment on learning and had them push buttons to electrocute people whenever they didn't get a question wrong. Now in that experiment, 26/40 went all the way to the highest voltage, which was dangerous - if it actually was real. The people who were "being electrocuted" were actually part of the experiment and weren't actually getting shocked.... but wow, it surprised me how many people went all the way. When I first started reading it, I imagined myself in that same situation and said I wouldn't go beyond mybe 15-30 volts... where the highest was 460-some.
When we did the "experiment" in class, I expected more people not to go through with the experiment. But once again, I was surprised as only two other people agreed with me, saying that they wouldn't go past the first few. Their reasoning = fear of pain. My reasoning? It's just not right to hurt someone....
Which got me thinking about ethics in general. To what extent would you do something for a "greater good?" Would you sacrifice the life of one person in order to save 100 from possible death?
Where does the gray meet the blacks and whites?
You expect me to apologize
for things that you've done wrong.
While you're inciting others.
You're owning up to nothing
and I wish that I was gone,
because you're not going anywhere.
On the way home
this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way.
Just hit him with a baseball
So who knew that drama could be so prevalent outside of this high school soap opera...
In the baseball world, emotions are hurt everyday. Let's say you have a certain Michael Barrett who gets hit by the ball - 5 innings later, his feelings are still hurt. Thus, the Cubs pitcher decides to seek revenge and hits the next batter. Or... when a particular Carlos Zambrano lets a homer slip from his fingers (literally) and then decides to hit him on the next time he's up. Man... and you'd think this only existed in our own lives.. drama is EVERYWHERE.
I think only a few things can be done without drama - brushing one's teeth and ... well, maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just being dense or insensitive, but this dramatic stuff is really getting to me. I'm kinda glad that last year I was just either too ignorant or too dense of all this drama... but this year, it has slapped me across the head more times than I would've liked. But oh well, what can you do. Just keep swimming, swimming swimming....
Anyway, school's been okay. Less homework, but more college work =/ All that's left now is that personal statement... and I got a kewl idea while watching Cribs inbetween Cubs innings, haha, so there we go.
I really like the lyrics from this song though --
I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.
Point: Honesty is the best policy.
Love will keep us together
WILL: Oh, my god! Is that what this is all about? Grace, we are always going to be in each other's lives.
GRACE: How do you know that? Huh? Things change. I mean, you're gonna get a boyfriend. I'm gonna get a boyfriend.
WILL: Hopefully not the same boyfriend.
GRACE: We're not a couple. We're not married. We don't have kids. What do we have to keep us together?
WILL: Love. [SINGING AND PLAYING THE PIANO] Love will keep us together.
GRACE: Don't do that. You know, there are a million things that could pull us in a million different directions.
WILL: Think of me, babe, whenever.
GRACE: And then we'll end up talking less and less.
WILL: Some sweet-talkin' guy comes along, singin' a song
GRACE: Don't do this. We're talking about our friendship here.
WILL: Don't mess around. You've just gotta be strong.
GRACE: You know what? Doing this stupid song is not gonna take away my concerns, ok?
WILL: Just stop.
WILL: 'Cause I really love you. Stop.
GRACE: [WHINING] Stop.
WILL: I've been thinkin' of you.
WILL AND GRACE: [SINGING] Look in my heart and let love keep us together.
I think that us, as humans, sometimes overuse that word. Love. What is it, really? We tell our parents we love them... we tell God that we love Him.. and reassure our friends and tell them we wub them.. sometimes even as a form of goodbye - "Night, love you!"
What is it, then? Is it calling someone everyday to ask them how they're doing? Is it writing an email every week with prayer requests? Is it the occasional visit just to say hi?
I guess I've been thinking about that a lot more recently, especially now that Josh has been emphasizing broken relationships at the church. There's no doubt that I do have broken relationships at church.... some that seem less fixable than others. So where do you draw the line? Are all friendships that are broken fixable? Are all of them willed by God to be eventually healed? Or are some relationships just meant to be... forever broken?
Sorry if I seem really pessimistic about it, haha. I guess some of it comes from personal experience. It seems like I'm running away from the brokenness..... but I've done all that I can. A relationship takes two people to have it work - centered around God. But it makes you wonder... how much love can heal.
This song holds a lot of meaning for me. I don't quite remember how I get addicted to it - I was roaming aroud the allofmp3.com site looking for mp3s to legally download, and I came across the Switchfoot album. I remember hearing the song before during YG one day... perhaps in the video.
So I downloaded it and started to listen. The beat was pretty decent, but it was the lyrics that got my attention -- especially because it revolved around the number 24.
My interpretation? Not sure yet. It's one of those songs that mold to your mood... when I'm sad, it becomes a sad song, but when I'm encouraged, it becomes a song of hope. I listened to it for three hours non-stop while I was on the phone Thursday night. This week in general was a week of all those things... regret, humility, tears, disappointment.... love, encouragement... hope.
Right now, it's a song of hope. A lot of stuff has been going on, especially in this past week.... but it seems like all of them are further for the glory of God. There has been drama, confusion, so much stuff that sometimes just doesn't make sense... but God is still faithful through it. He's been faithful to make sure that even though we're involved in all this, to not let it take a strong hold on us. We need to still keep our eyes on the cross. And while sometimes that comes with sacrifice, it's reassuring knowing that God is still faithful.
So 24. It's 24 right now. Up for interpretation still, but hey, what a ride =)