If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I will be waiting where I've always been
If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I have never left you,
I'm where I've always been
Right by your side



there's always a 'but.'

i don't want to transfer to uiuc =(
i want to get baptized


sigh

monday -- chem pset due, nano lab due
tuesday -- math pset due, english project due
wednesday -- chem lab writeup due
thursday -- math pset due, english presentation, nano pset due
friday -- chem pset due


i'm loving next week.

hey


be real too.

... ook?

so i'm reading deception point at the airport
and it's not my copy

but halfway through, there's this line that says

"women could become vengeful and stupid when they felt deceived."

and my friend who lent it to me, (who happens to be an xy) underlined that line, with multiple lines under the word stupid

haha.. typical you :P

i found a place where you belong
new friends that can do no wrong
that's what i believe
but who is going to be there when i fall
to build up when i'm feeling small
give the love that i need
who will.... He will
when the whole world turns against me,
ain't no lie

(lyrics from bbmak, slightly altered)

Measureless tonight was sooo good. it was so good just to be people singing Once Again in five different languages, skits about how we chase after the wrong loves in life, especially on a college campus, singing Unfailing Love at the end led by the deep voiced leader himself... man. God's working so much on this campus. i just need to get out of this mentality of jaded-ness i'm in and realize it :P

it's funny, really. i thought this could be a new semester. new people, new enviornment, new beginnings. but things never really do change.. sometimes, you're past catches up with you in ways i never thought possible. 'cause after a while... those same past struggles that i thought i left in past reemerge.

and i wonder how going home will be like in the midst of all that.



snapshots of the weekend --
all my life, JC and jojo, flowers on a friday night, learning fills, leftover pizza, thoughts about a frat party, eat dessert first, harry potter, cornell sweatshirts, chicken sandwiches, sharing, girls' night, prayer, taboo, my sassy (aka sappy) girl, coming home to find flowers taped on my door, and thoughts.

i realized that the last complete book of substance i read was Speak. so now i'm reading deception point. it's about nasa. i always wanted to work for nasa. i wonder if i will someday.....

this is what i see when i think of ccmc.



yet a big part of me doesn't want to go home for thanksgiving. not just yet.

it really bothers me when people who i know are living separate lives post things on xangas or something of sort proclaming how godly they are. this being said, i do know that i need a dump truck for all the emotional and spiritual junk i carry around.. but where do we draw the line?

if we see a sister or brother doing wrong, and we fail to warn them because we feel we're also too hypocritical... isn't that tolerating sin? aren't we feeding that which we are trying to escape? are we to keep sinning so that grace may increase?

no...

though we're all hypocrites.. we're all sinners... we're also supposed to be refining each other. yes, i am a sinner. just as bad as you. but i pray, hope in the hope that He promises doesn't fail that God can being good things out of situations like these.




man.. what a week indeed.
p r e s s i n g o n

and know He's God.

to know that He's God of all
no matter what's going on in life

freshman drama, which, it feels weird to be on the fringes of. on one hand, i'm quite relieved not to be involved in any sort of dramatic matters..

but can this really be categorized as 'drama' anymore? it's not high school anymore. how do you confront sin like this...?


sigh

i've been feeling like recently, i haven't spent alone time with God. the 20-minute walk to the engineering quad with white headphones plugging out the world isn't exactly alone time with God. so today, in the hour after my chem lab and before your surprise birthday party, i found a corner in gs and sat. sat with You, tried to listen to You, read Romans 8, which was a really good reminder of what we hope for, long for.

a big part of me wants to grab all the freshmen and just pray for our class, our generation. there's too much sin to not go unrecognized.

who ever said things would be easier in college? =/

"Say it again."

She stopped mid-bite and with her fork in the air. "Say what again?"

"What you just said."

He smiled as she slowly placed her fork down and repeated her sentence. "I had some tea after my engineering class.... what about that?"

"It's how you say 'after'... you have the Midwestern accent."

"Huh?"

"Your A's are longeer... like, ahhh. More naselly."

"Oh... I'm sorry?"

"Nono... it's okay. I like it."

=)

i feel like i'm in charge of a lot of things recently.

i've been leading freshmen prayer mtgs for the past few weeks
organized the operation christmas child stuff today and tomorrow
leading small group again this week, meeting w/sg leader on monday
meeting up w/two upperclassmen girls this week

and while i'm rejoicing at the stretching-ness that God's presenting
challenges to value Him above all else first

i guess i wish more people would step up, especially in the freshmen class :/

sometimes i just want to say
hey.. i'm busy too
homework to do
projects to start and finish
labs to write up
.. what makes you any different?

sigh

i guess until then
i'll keep doing it?
and pray really hard that i'll find strength in serving Him
and not focus on the things



trusting in You. like always

the last two times my mom called, she's constantly reminding me to focus on schoolwork. she asks if i regret not going to uiuc. she tells me how much money i could've saved if i went to uiuc. and again and again.. from her and my dad... not to spend time at church.

a friend asked me last night how i was doing with God at Cornell, and wow. i felt like there was too much to be said, and if i tried it'd take me more time than i had. in the here and now, more than ever, God's been so real. He's real in the worship during small groups on campus, during the Sunday night prayer meetings, during talks with my suitemates, chats about religion in my room, church, friends i have class with. He's been so integrated in every part of my life....

... except for home life. which i'm constantly reminded of by my mom. because it doesn't feel like God's working there....

maybe this is impetus for me to pray for my parents more. to keep praying for their salvation, for them to know God more like i've know Him here. i'm almost bursting to tell my friend last night about how great our God is in ithaca, but when it comes to my mom..? :/ it's so easy to press on here and not want to return to a home away from Home where only arguments ensue.

impetus to pray,
impetus to pray.