maybe this will be for new beginnings
i feel like lately, my thoughts have been a whirlwind of possibilities, and if i stop to actually think about all the worries that have permanently taken a lease in this silly little mind of mine...
. so i think i'll stop thinking about it, and avoid that breakdown for one more day.
they will see us waving from such great heights
come down now, they'll say
cause everything seems perfect from far away
my life has been instilled
by a hope that never moves
and yet it moves me still
so i'm crying out to You
so i can take Your fame and glory
for all to see
no matter where Your hand will lead me...
i missed that feeling of actively digging into Word, surrounded by people from different walks, genders, and years, even in the cold basement of the old church, just pouring over two verses in Mark. i'm feeling quite blessed after tonight's small group - college sgs are really quite different, but in that refreshing, blessed kind of way - and feeling a ton more grounded for the rest of the summer in terms of church-related stuff.
amazed by grace - john 8. touched by grace. forever changed by grace.... and we really aren't the same again.
Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see Your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for Your righteousness
But it's only found in one place
the moon hid itself tonight.
... and if you closed your eyes to listen, you could almost hear the winds whispering their song. the faint breezes would tickle your senses, breathing in a new life into a weary soul. and they'd lift you up so you could sleep with the stars themselves, inhaling the colors of the night and the sounds of the heavens. one breath would turn the sky itself upside down, shaking what little stability we make of our lives, swirling a childlike sense of faith into the sky -- and you had never felt so graced by the presence of an Artist before.
it's nights like these that made me wish my hands were big enough to reach out to the sky and push the clouds away to let Your light shine through. but then You remind me... You haven't gone anywhere.
was reminded of this today -
We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it. - C.S. Lewis
finally learning what it means to love one another.
In you where the hungry feast at the table
The blind frozen by colors in view
The lame will dance, they'll dance for they are able
And the weary find rest
O the weary find rest in You
they say that nothing can travel faster than light. yet light from the sun, something that is so close that if we close one eye, we can blot it out with a thumb, takes 8 minutes to get to us.
we look up into the night sky, expecting some sort of certainty in the smiling lights. they've been there through the mountains and the valleys, the highs and lows that could only be discernable as life. yet some of those stars probably faded, exploded, transformed into white dwarves thousands of years ago... and their light only reaches us now.
it can only travel so fast. the past does affect the present.
.... do we keep looking up?
there's something freeing in waking up at 4:45 and running outside in pjs, without contacts in, dizzily taking in the sunrise, breathing in Your peace.
gather my insufficiencies and
place them in Your hands
place them in Your hands
place them in Your hands
oh and our own quotes! hehe
"Hmm.. what's that long, winding road... oh SHOOT that's the highway!!"
"Uhh... hello! where... do you live?"
"Oh... um, turn right at the fire station."
"Is that a fire station? Or a church?"
"*squints eyes while passing building* It's a fire... protection building -_-"
"Ahh turn there to make a U-turn!"
"Okay... wait, are we allowed in? Is that a gate?"
"Sure, it's the... Hindu Temple of the Greater Chicagoland Area??"
"To help you study!"
"... I don't study."
"Studying hard for your finals tomorrow?"
"... I was sleeping...."
"Er... what about your brother?"
"... He's playing video games."
"Are you sure this is where she lives?"
"Sure... it says right here, 642."
"... that's 8642."
"... what?? there's no 86th floor!"
"Mmk.. what road do I turn on now?"
".... you mean Lemont?"
"Are there supposed to be this many trees? I feel like we're in a forest preserve.."
"I feel like we're in North Carolina!"
mmm... i really want to go downtown to the plantarium at night one day... or since it closes at 6, sit on the thin walkway outside the planetarium, waves crashing, wind singing, and stars falling all for one night where you
spent a lot of time this weekend outside, dwelling in Your creation. friday before yg, was journaling at the park listening to old hymns for a few hour before yg, and yesterday was on the school track, watching the sunset. it was the second time i've ever sat on those bleachers - (the only football game i went to was freshman year homecoming... i wasn't really into football, but you wanted to go) funny it's after i graduate.
and watching the sun delightfully sailing on those big, fluffy clouds made me want to get off my butt and go to those tracks everyday. one line that kept repeating through my heart -- and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.
after getting my cornell email address, got a facebook, (made my first cornellian friend! you rock.) i think one thing i'll miss most about chicawgo is the comfort in going up to someone and praying. realized on sunday morning, while sitting from afar that this year has been Radically different - but in that good, sense of nervous anticipation sort of way. with a tinge of green.
got the packet in the mail with classes and such to choose for next year. the list for basic clases is here - i had no idea engineering classes were so... cool! (i kinda want to take the art and music courses now)
there's an eerie silence in the early mornings. i've had really weird sleep patterns lately, (it seems that everytime i try to sleep for the past few days, i'm awoken by a phone call or txt msg.)
was just searching for the lyrics to an old song when i stumbled across (via google desktop search) an old bible study for ephesians 1. so i reread it... my first instinct is to give it some sort of literary analysis with the predestination vs. free will thing we've been doing. but that'd be getting caught up... and it'd be easy to miss His words within those words.
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. - Eph. 1:4
... disciplining oneself is difficult.
a few nights ago, i had this dream that there was a new type of mint chocolate chip soap. and you kept saying it didnt exist, and then i used it once in a shower, and proved you wrong. it was quite strange.
in excelsis deo
In retrospect, i think Bacca was... nerve-wrecking, uncomfortable, that sort of shifting in plastic chairs for too long of a time. But such a blessing in disguise. To hear people who usually sing in choir sing songs like Gloria (even though noodles thought she didn't do well, i thought she was mexcellent =]), people I'm used to see cheering at football games praising God through testimonies about 2 Corinthians, and someone I've inaccurately judged as a class clown talk about social injustices in Sudan, and our responsibility as a Christian community.
Every breath that I breathe
Every moment in my history
Is an effort to praise You
And though all throughout Graduation yesterday, I was still feeling oddly detached, maybe it's because I'm ready to let the school part of these past four years ago. (Thanks for those of you who came, brought flowers, and even called during graduation ceremony :P) That I was still feeling more excited that the Cubs won their 7th game in a row than walking down that aisle. But it's okay - as I was telling my friend at Bacca practice, we're really looking forward to college. Maybe more less than rude awakenings that it's ignorant to think that the people from my church at school are the only ones I can "go to" at school.
But I’m such a limited creature
And my word can only paint so many pictures
But somewhere I think I read that I am
Treasured over all creation..
feeling excited once again for the summer (june 19th! :D) and the fall and whatever the future may bring.
... and in the morning, it's always a surprise to hit the little back button and see what song was playing on my iPod the night before when I fall asleep. Last night, it was Overflow.
I really love this song.
Maybe it's because it's a song of the heart. Someone so wholly indebted to our Father who composes these notes and lines, trying to pay back, trying to explain, trying to understand who He is, what He's done, and realizing that we can never truly pay back, and trying to express every grain of gratitude would be too difficult and ineloquently stumbling over words and melodies until in some sort of exasperated, joyful defeat -
where would I be without You?
with hands thrown up in some sort of beautiful surrender, trusting.
and in the morning, things seem so clear.
Today, I go to school with my blue NIV, an old songbook, and my faith.
... *bites lip*
rememebering what it means to be bold