.. so when do you cross the line into disobeying parents because God's will clashes?

I turned my inner city missions app on Sunday. On Monday morning I got a personal email from the director of the national program saying that they got my application and references and everything looks good. They want me to come out to the site in either Chicago or New York, so I can shadow some of the staff there for a couple of days and get a feel for what kind of missions work they do on a daily basis.

... and man, I was ridiculously excited when I found out. I ended up leaping across Ho Plaza into Keith passing out quarter cards for his frat, ranting on and on about inner city missions, and being all grinny and silly during lunch w/krzt while planning sg filming. The site director from Chicago emailed me back later and said I could come in during spring break for a few days and work at one of the sites.

..... then I called my mom and told her, letting her know I might have to come back during spring break. And although she wasn't ecstatic about the idea when I told her earlier in the semester, she was okay with it.... until she realized that her daughter might actually be giving up that Boeing internship to work with spaceships and rockets to spend a summer in the slummy neighborhoods of Chicago playing with poor kids.

she wasn't very happy.

I just finished reading a chapter in Invitation to Lead about when to disobey parents when God's will for our future clearly clashes.... i dunno. I just never thought I'd have to be one of those families...



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gaaahiwannadoinnercitymissionsbutihopeimnotjustbeingselfishandrash.. andmaybeishouldjustobeymyparentsbutithinkmyheartwillliterallyacheallsummerifidont...

I spent most of Friday afternoon/night before dinner (mmm... Mongolian Hot Pot restaurant) chasing my five year old and nine year old cousins, and ten year old little brother around my uncle's house in Toronto, playing Big Trouble, Easy Bake Oven, Ten Minute Abs (okay so they wanted to do it.. they found it in my Aunt's room -_-), Monopoly, and other various games. While we were playing Monopoly, Andrew got a Get Out of Jail Free card. I mean.. they're just kids... so they were joking about it and making fun of Angie when she did get into jail, then got frustrated (like most five year olds would in her position) and went to go play with her Easy Bake Oven.

Today, I saw the same Get Out of Jail Free card plastered on the hallway of my dorm. Except this time, it's not a game -- it's a policy that my school has, that if you're intoxicated beyond reason and you're about to pass out/die, but you're scared of getting in trouble for underage drinking, you can call this number and get medical help without going to jail.

Real world, huh.

I also watched the Breakup tonight -- it was supposed to be a romantic comedy, I think, but I thought it was just really... sad =/ The plot's the basic relationship breaker -- the girl puts a lot of effort, the guy takes her for granted, she blows up at him, etc etc. And the whole time, they just can't tell each other how they really feel... the guy won't affirm the girl because of his pride, and the girl won't tell him how she really feels because she thinks he should know.

Oh this world... One relationship after another...

I was listening to I Can Only Imagine by Mercyme on the way to class the other day, ... and this is one of my favorite songs because it reminds me so much of the battle already won, the day when there is no more death or crying or sickness or poverty or pain and there's just.. Him.

There are these lines in the beginning the say,

I can only imagine, what it will be like
when I walk by your side
I can only imagine, what my eyes will see
When your face is before me

... and I had this thought -- those who actually heard of and followed Jesus as lepers, as those who could not walk... will now be able to walk by His side. And, those who were blind, will be able to finally see their Savior..



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sighs. I'm home(heaven)-sick =/

Ten hours and counting for linear algebra.

One of my small group members told me yesterday over lunch that she really enjoys my small group because she's never before been in a small group where we focused so much on scripture and what God's Word says about things (read: she's a senior). It was quite surprising to me, 'cause... well, I guess I thought it was kind of, duh to focus on the bible during bible studies.

I love small group leading -- I'm thinking about leading again next semester. I love walking alongside people but I think I hate people. Does that make sense?

Last night while looking through notes and waiting for krzt to come down for our dinner date <3,>?" 'Cause seriously. These things are going to not just fade, but rot and smell and consume in the not so good way. How many of us, myself, whore after our studies and school and ivy league prestige?

.... I have so much more to say about this, but I think fear prevents me from letting the demanding, idealistic extremist side of me out.



..

Tomorrow, I'm going to Binghamton for an urban planning trip. I'll post pictures and stories later.

over winter break, i will actually be home (aka, suburbia chicawgo) for a total of four days. i'm not coming home for thanksgiving. i'm not coming back for spring break. and, if i get the internship(s?) i want next summer, i won't be home summertime either.

that's depressing.
... (no, not really, i might prefer it that way haha.. hah.. eh)


anyway, up for 6:30 course enroll tomorrow morning o_O i've pretty much planned my schedule (plus M&AE 490, and various meetings/sgs) out, but hey... we all know how often our own plans seem to determine the future =P

last friday at large group, d.s. came to speak about accountabity and community. how we've been failing one another as community. how when we talk about accountability, you're asking someone to make you the person they're accountable to, and that's just not true. there's listening, extension of prayer and grace... but people aren't accountable to us. we neither can condemn not judge them.

it really spoke into my heart about the type of intentional community that's been lacking in my life :/ the speaker also talked about necessity of true community -- how we so often use words like transparency -- but honestly, who wants that? "when we have transparency, we'll have an open community..." -- who wants someone to point out every sin they can see? who wants someone to poke around and judge and laugh at or ridicule? who really wants to be so intimate with someone else that the other person can see all of those things...?

talk about letting your guard down.

true community.
noone wants it.
we all need it.

i'm taking my first urban planning trip next friday :) into a city that's maybe an hour or two away. and it's pretty small.

but it's okay. because it's a breath of fresh air compared to the kind of priorities that kids at college have.


i keep thinking about the kids. i keep thinking about arthur. i keep thinking about charles and how he's partnering with God right now on 115th street in harlem new york. i keep thinking about public schools and how they piss me off. i keep thinking about urban planners here who wear pearl earrings and talk about how "schools are made equal for everyone!"

.. i keep thinking about the kids.
and how i could never be satisfied with my life if i just became an engineer.