five hours before my first final, and unsurprisingly enough, i'm caught in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions and realizations. is that even possible?... for summer to come exactly at the right and wrong time.

in exactly one day, i'll only have one final left of sophomore year. the semester has flown by and has been filled with the gospel of mark and campus on a hill and broken, so broken, so much hurt and confusion and small, so small, but so sure glimpses of hope beyond that.

in exactly one week, i'll be cramming for circuits, packing for the summer, rummaging through junk, donating books, clearing things out, wanting to start over, fresh starts -- how elusive you are...

in exactly one month, i'll be in el segundo, california. living a block away from venice beach in a ritzy, (mostly) all expenses paid for area of socal, with swimming pools and free wireless and cable and beaches and lattes. it's seductive, that lifestyle yknow.. funny, i want to lead a justice small group this fall when my summer seems the antithesis of it. maybe i'll go find kevin blue.

(i'm listening to chicago by sufjan stevens right now, and there's this one line, i make a lot of mistakes, i make a lot of mistakes...)

the summer seems so new. to a place with sunny skies and no name faces and a church that doesn't know your history. it's almost intoxicating...