the third

These last few days have been pretty lab intensive. While in the clean room though, one of the guys dropped my camera and now the battery won't stay in. I'm thinking about about getting a new one.. a more old school one, and not these automated digital point and clicks that everyone has. I miss the feeling of actually developing photos and not just plugging in a usb cable and getting instant gratification.

It's been really good getting to know the people on my team though. I guess you have some sort of solidarity when you're stuck in the same lab for hours on end. They invited me to the Wed. night DT (I found out later this meant drinking team), which I respectfully declined on account of me not being old enough to even get into the bar :P. It's interesting though, seeing their personal quirks and dedication to a satellite -- which in all regards, is just a hunk of metal. I keep asking myself, What are you living for? when I'm in the lab... I hope the answer isn't that same hunk of metal.

I also found out that my Project Manager (aka guy who's in charge of the whole project, not just my team) is making $78K once he graduates. I find that sick, cause, 1. He's 22. and 2. It's almost $30K higher than the national average for a four-person family. I told someone about Urbana today and how God cares for suffering people around the world. He just nodded politely and kept wiping down the cleanroom tables.

Sigh. Third day, huh? Aside from some times of prayer and Word I've been forcing... literally, forcing myself into, I feel myself being consumed by this academic world. This thought popped into my head the other night while I was listening to the Urbana recording of I Need You.... that this Family, this home church I'm in is ridiculously messed up. I get frustrated at people, change I don't see, change I do see... as inevitably as people are probably frustrated at me and my idealistic brashness. There's drama left and right, from myself trying to align myself with people and really reconciling with key relationships around me... Even in our spiritual endeavors, our pettiness and self ambition seem to take over. And we tend to give up. I tend to give up.

It's hard realizing what a blessing this is. And last night? In the midst of sketching and reading about how Jesus loves little children... (quick flashback to WC'07, where during Ramen night some of the underclassmen girls sat around and picked my brain on heretics, end times, and spiritual attacks. they're so cute :D) .... I was really, really grateful for this Body.

Sigh. I wish I could go back sometimes. But here I am now.. in the middle of Camera Opportunities and Anti-collision software and circuits and cleanrooms and...

... this world has nothing for me...

It's so meaningless,
but yet, what am I living for..?


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