Man, I think this whole past semester has been such a humbling experience. I feel like God's been shouting, "Yo... you're not all that. You don't even have the bag of chips. But guess what... I love you anyway :)" Through (failing) classes, having hard small groups, and just being doubtful of what I can do on my own ability anyway... sigh. God's so good :)

I got an email from the Engineering Department today that says I'm conditionally affiliated with AEP *grins* How Engineering works at my school is that once you get accepted into Engineering, you need to "apply" to a specific major -- for example, Chemical Eng. or Computer Science. You need certain grades and a certain GPA to make it, and they usually cut it at a certain number -- for my major, it's a B in all major classes and at least a B- overall average... for usually the top 40ish people (out of a class of 800+ o_O). And since I almost failed my last honors physics class, hahaha.... hah.. eh, I have to either retake the last honors class I took, or drop out of the honors class and take the next normal installment. I really like the honors curriculem, so I might just retake it again next semester.

But yeah... more and more, I'm seeing what a dark place it is in the deepest thoroughs of academia. So many of these guys have everything they ever could want... like Gerald's last msg at camp. I need be to be praying for them and spreading light. Already a few of them are like... "Dude how are you so full of life.. the rest of us are like, 'Gah this sucks, we're screwed, I hate myself'" =)

God's so gracious. Even this past semester, when I feel like I've just messed up so many times... needed to seek the forgiveness of others so many times... man. I'm feeling more okay that my parents forbade Missions this summer -- time to apply to other places now =/. But... I'm hoping to get a position in a metropolitan city (maybe Chicago?).

I'm seeing more and more than you don't need to be in "ministry" to do ministry.
and the presence of God doesn't leave just 'cause you left Urbana/OIL/wintercamp.



I need thee...
oh I need thee
every hour I need thee