oh heart of mine,

..... come back home.

so lately i've been reading Invitation to Lead, a book for asian american leaders in our generation. there's this part where Paul writes about one of the co-authors of another AA-geared book, // how to follow jesus w/o dishonoring your parents// and how his parents were essentially so disappointed in his choice to join IV staff that his mom told him, "either you come home or i'm going to kill myself."


i wonder it feels like to be caught in a relationship like that. i wonder if that's what it feels like -- to be physically torn between passions and expectations and responsibilities. i wonder why it is that if money didn't matter, i'd probably transfer into urban planning in a heartbeat. but that means staying in school an extra year and a half. that's an extra $60,000. for an occupation i know my parents wouldn't approve of.

how do you define that, then? are those mistakes? does God allow for mistakes? maybe i'm seriously not cut out of this world of industry.

// for example, last week at my sub-team's progress weekly progress meeting (read: 15 coders, designers, and engineers sitting around a big conference table in the theory center) and i was explaining my GPS algorithm, i ended up saying -- "so far we can determine how many GPS satellites we have access to at a given time, inclination and altitude. but i haven't been able to calculate the usability of those satellites due to the interface from the ionospheric... ionophere." yep. professionalism at its best.


*throws hands up in air*

i really don't know, hahahaha.
i wish we could just carve pumpkins and eat pie and drink cider and study revelation all day.

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