good monsters

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces lighter
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

// oh my god, jars of clay.

"this song is so.. desperate."

-- is this how desperate we are?

-- i've been thinking a lot about shame. How d.choi spoke about the gospel of shame, how all throughout Lk.15, the father is the one who shames himself on behalf of his sons -- the older and the younger. How this gospel, this truth that we base our lives off of -- how can it be so easy.. to be ashamed of jesus.

-- there's this man who roams around the streets of collegetown. i think he's homeless. i've said hi to him a few times. what's so scary about engaging in real conversation?

-- apartment hunting is hard. i feel like i'm growing up too fast.

-- home in a week and a half. ..

-- i think i'm a love me/respect me. if i could vent to someone everytime i was angered/frustrated/pissed off, he/she'd think i had anger management problems and send me straight to therapy.

-- jacob didn't wrestle with God to get something out of him. he wrestled with God to God could get something into jacob.

-- .... i need to see a bigger picture.

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