ouch. the sting of rejection.

i could yell. rebuke. come up with a laundry list of reasons. but that'd do no good. i could scream until my face was blue about how stinking privileged we are and how we shaunt be complaining and how God does love all peoples of all nations.

sometimes i wish i could shake that into people.
God's shaking >> my shaking.

but it's okay. i'm okay... really :). something i thought about before the joint gcf/ccf event a few months ago, especially when i thought all the gcf-ers would be studying and wouldn't come out, was that you really do what you can. and the rest is up to God. it's that delightful mix of the active and passive that leaves me pushing yet submitting.

you asked me what was the worst that could happen. and i said for this summer to be over, and for us to feel like it was fun. cool. lots of hanging out. and leave it at that. i don't want that... i want this summer to be something that shakes our notions of normality and summer up. i want this summer to push and challenge and open eyes and hearts and minds. and to me, the worst that could happen is leaving the summer the same as we came in.

something i have a hard time trusting is that God will work through that. we may be planting seeds, or watering ones. a lot of people had to do a whole lot of splashing in my life for me to feel as burdened for things of justice as i do now. (as um... x, you could tell by my soapbox last night about compassion vs. justice :P) but it's okay. ultimately, God will redeem.

and i like the rain. so today's a good day :)

facedown.. this carpet tastes like coffee grounds ground into my face now...