"i wanted to say something to encourage you though..."

"yeah?"

"... people aren't going to get it."

".... what? thats supposed to encourage me?"

"yeah.. 'cause i don't want you to be disappointed when you get back. people are not going to get it. they're going to be caught up in school, academics, even in fellowship. the best we can do is tell them what God's doing outside of cornell, outside of our fellowship even.. and pray that God works in them too."





sigh, i never thought how right you'd be.

since i've decided to explore a concentration in urban planning, the people who are most against it are those in Christian fellowships. and it's hard having the people who you hope will support you, will be praying for you, to say things that... yeah, kinda cut. =/

"i don't understand why you're doing this.. it's so impractical"
"it's just a waste of time. if you want to do it, get out of engineering."


that's just it. i don't want to be stuck in this suffocating Christian bubble where its all fellowship, all the time. i don't want to get the fancy astrophysics degree and work at some spiffy lab where i make a 6 figure salary and live in the suburbs and not care about God's people who are hurting less than an hour away.

but you know, part of me does want that. part of me longs for comfort. and it's hard being somewhere where the people around you tell you to strive for it.

to the... i don't know, three people who have been encouraging me like crazy these past few days, thank you. thank you so much for pushing me to do something more with my faith, for getting out of this bubble so many of us are so prone to living in.

'cause right now...

sigh.

mmk, honestly?

i feel like i'm standing alone under my convictions.
and it's a lonely place to be.

i'm tired of christianese.
i'm tired of living in a box.
i'm tired of white suburbia Christ, where He's just a bumper sticker and "yay lets worship Jesus" xanga entries.

i'm sick of that!!

i'm sick of how i live under that too. i'm not saying i don't.
but i'm sick of noone questioning it.
i'm sick of everyone accepting things the way they are.

you're right. i AM an idealist. but Jesus is the epitome of that, amen? He's the one who takes our comfortable lives and challenges us, by saying this is NOT the way things are supposed to be.

He paints an image of how beautiful that's going to be in heaven.
and we stay here
using our browns and blacks.



show me how your faith is REAL.
and i'll show you what my God can do.