it's the deepest sort of lamentation. the kind where you know you're not empty, not let down, not forsaken... but it feels like that.
and you know what the saddest part is?
it was handed to me, given freely out of love. and i rejected it out of fear.
i feel like my arms are tied by my own insecure fear and i forget, why do i forget how powerful YOU are and how You even command the angels!! why am i so fearful... why was i so hesitant... i've been walking around feeling so much sorrow, and i just want to sit and be still and let You find me... i'm sorry. i know i don't deserve this. any of this.
who knew one day could tell you so much about how much you could miss one small thing.
urgh... i feel like i can't tell anyone 'cause they'd think i were crazy. maybe i am.