Her words seemed imprinted on his mind, but hit a roadblock of doubt on the way to his heart. Shifting uncomfortably, the seat under him suddenly seemed cold and metallic. Lately, the idea of corporate worship had frustrated him beyond ends -- the practiced acoustics of the praise team were rehearsed, stiff. He could barely find love in his own heart, let alone those who only practiced what they preached around him.
"Hiii -- are we supposed to eat breakfast together tomorrow?" A comfortingly obnoxious voice pierced his thoughts. The youngest in his small group plopped down in the seat next to him, disregarding the obvious 'I'm not in the mood to talk' face he was making.
"Yeah, yeah. Last day we'll eat together as a small group." He answered, hoping the boy wouldn't notice the weariness and reluctancy to talk in his voice.
"Cool! Okay.. well see you then!" As he exuberantly bounded away, he smiled to himself, perhaps for the first time that night. I miss being excited about God like that....
As the lights slowly dimmed, marking a time for worship, his hands started to jitter more. Looking anxiously around the room, his gaze collided into hers. Her eyes quickly disheartened at the strain in his own, and whispered in their own language -- wanna go outside? He silently slipped on his jacket and made his way to the back of the room. The cool air welcomed him with relief, enveloping the both of them gently into reality.
They walked side by side in silence, until the silence started to scare him. He stopped in his track, as she walked on further along the path, slowly stopping and finally turning around to meet his gaze. He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by the shaking of her head. Her gaze traveled over his, surveying the night sky above them.
"He loves you for you... you know."
As he lifted his gaze, all notions of comfort and reality as he knew it slipped from under him as he stood captivated by the heavens. And under the twinkling stars, swirling galaxies, where the wind seemed to stand still just for him... he believed it.
//"it's not about that though.. it's about whether or not you're going to be honest with yourself. sometimes you find someone where you can't help but be honest.. not cause you want to stop lying to yourself, but you can't help be honest and fair to them. but as scary as that is, it's funny how many fears you conquer cause of it..."