something corporate . she paints me blue

once again, i had this really vivid dream -- but i don't remember it. it felt relatively normal though.

all i remember is the end, and i remember it so vividly, what you said so vividly. i think we were at my school, and your hair was a lot longer. and you ran your fingers through it sheepishly, and said -- "i hate my hair when it's this long. but i still care about it and how i look... heh, i guess it shows how i haven't changed much. i still care about stuff like that. but wendy.. in case we ever do go down.. you know, that road in the future... that guy you hope for? i'll be there one day."

and then you looked at me, hopeful, promising, adament. and i woke up.

still praying for my dreams before i go to sleep.
but sometimes, dreams are just dreams... right?

i think the last few days have been filled with an increasing sense of paranoia. of going back to school, of the clutches of sin, of idols, mistakes... and i think i've always struggled with some sense of that. always criticizing, worrying, stressing, and not.. hoping.

i reread romans 8 last night, and prayed through it, and... was reminded once again i love romans and paul's writing so much =] i love how paul basically tells the romans to get their heads out of the mud. lately i've been realizing that convictions aren't solutions -- they're just making us realize the stench and depravity of the mud we're really in. and we're spurred on to do something about it.

next semester, i think i'm going to devote myself to going to at least 2-3 prayer meetings a week. you freaked out about my schedule last night when i showed you :P but i think it'll be alright. too busy not to pray, right?

when all the layers and anxieties are removed, i really am excited about this semester. and i know God has a lot of Himself to show through it.

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