tim hughes . God of justice

... i'm scared.

i'm scared for my mom, that she won't get the chance to really have time to seek after God until she retires. i'm scared for my brother that he will crack under the pressure that my dad's infamous for exerting. i'm scared for complacency, after retreats, after convictions, after undeniable acts from God. i'm scared of this semester... of the work, of the possible mistakes, regrets, fears.

i'm scared of my small group.
the one i'm in this semester is called loving justice. and it's maybe 7 upperclassmen, all of whom have served on IV exec... and me. i never thought i could have a heart to love justice. i'd always be encouraged by those who had the heart to feed the poor, administer justice in the urban community, battle racism and sex trafficking in southeast asia. but i never felt God tugging -- no, i never listened to God's tugging on my heart to do something like that.

tonight, we had sg in one of the dorm lounges. it was weird being in the public -- after having small group in our iv staff worker's office last semester.

then it came.

"what the hell are they doing there?"

and it came again. and again.

"are we going to let them have a bible study in our lounge?"
"what are they even talking about? Jesus?"


can you keep a secret?
i think i was the most fearful i'd been in a long time.

=/