sitting, waiting, wishing

i wish you were easier to talk to.
i wish i kept in touch with you better.
i wish i called you more when i had the chance.
i wish i worried about you more.
i wish i worried about you less.

sometimes, i wish i understood things better. sometimes i wish i understood the role of people in my life, what they're doing there, instead of just stirring up ruckus or causing confusion or just.. being. this past semester has been.. literally, one of the most humbling :/ to echo an brother who just sent out a winter missions letter... "i just want people to know how messed up i am. and how all of this... its for God, and not for myself."

so, a minor revamp of a journey yet unseen. i'm finding myself learning that i don't have all the answers, colorful jargon won't save me in situations, and... sigh, yeah. and maybe i'm find myself wishing less, and trusting more.

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