in another journal that i post in, something i wrote was, "i'm ready to leave." then you commented and asked... we're ready to leave... are we ready to let go?
and after spending the past 24 hours at hshs, either running around the track listening to michelangelo, playing (almost tackle) football in the dark (our team won =]), drinking caribou coffee at 2 am, playing big booty, watching numerous bands (including OF in concert), sleeping in the rain while watching it drizzle onto our sleeping bags, running around throwing grass at each other, dancing to maroon 5, or finally falling asleep at 3 am, with limbs flailing in a tent made for 5, or... something else.
and that something else was something .. i guess that can be considered as small, but slapped me in the face with a realization that perhaps i didn't want to realize...
(don't you love how vague that was?)
and i realized... sometime between watching the symphony of a piano, bass, and drums, (in a most clever array) and when the first drop of rain fell on my now-swollen right hand, that i can let these go.
other things, i leave behind.
maybe because it's easier to do so.
maybe because it's too hard to let go of them.
maybe because... deep down, i don't want to let go of them.
i don't know..
i need to use some logic.
i'm waiting for a decision to be made. for a place still between the extremes.
but until then, i'm making this assumption.
that you're not worried.
that you're different now.
and that i'd be stupid to think otherwise.
I'm still waiting for you to say you hate me now
So I don't have to hold on to this burning heart
- Daphne Loves Derby, Midnight Highway