longer goodbyes

Dashboard Confessional - Living In Your Letters

dear best friend,

i wonder how you are. do you remember camp? me, the girl giddily excited for those five days to pass so i could go on my church's youth retreat, and you, just coming back from your student council leadership seminar. me in my finding nemo tshirts and nalgene bottle, and you in that faded, red mets shirt from when you were younger and various piercings (wow, i just realized you had more than me....insane).

and so for the first seven minutes of class, we became "best friends." two completely opposite people. i found out what you did during your leadership seminar, from a recent breakup to that girly bracelet on your wrist. you asked me about the cross i was wearing, and i bit my lip before sharing about my friday nights and sunday mornings. you told me about your crazy busy schedule - baseball, student council president, peer leadership, and on top of that newspaper editor and chief: the perfect poster boy... and how you were sick of doing activity after activity. i told you about my worries about college and my attachment to grades - you told me not to worry, that i could always go to MSU :P i wonder if i should tell you where i'll be ending up.

... then you told me what you worried about. how you drank a few weeks ago, and how you didn't know how to approach the freshman you were mentoring about it. how guilty you felt, and how you wish you'd never done it, just so you didn't set a bad example for him. and i told you my worries about being true. how i wanted more than anything to be honest with people, showing my flaws and concerns, my hope and my joy, and not hiding. you told me that was being ambitious. i nodded.

not bad for knowing each other for 10 minutes, huh best friend?

i wonder if you still have that red bracelet. yeah, the same one you got for wearing that baseball hat on 'hat day'.... i havent taken off my white one yet. wow, i just realized this summer, we won't be going back. no more journalism camp. three years in a row - you could call us veterens now. but senior year's almost passing by... too fast sometimes. hey, i wonder if that kid Dan ever got into Northwestern. he loved it in evanston...

and i wonder how your staff turned out this year. if you were able to "rule over them" with them just fearing you :P (you knew that could never work) if you actually learned anything in class instead of goofing off :P i'm sure you did. i really love the yearbook staff this year. we took pictures for the last spread today. wow. last spread. last deadline. last proofs. last book. i wonder how everyone's staffs turned out this year. we dreamed big.. for those five days, that room next to the ice cream machines were jammed pack with creative ingenuity. and 20-some editors became more than that, we became friends.

i wonder if i'll see any of you again. there are days i wish i could go back to michigan, if not for camp just for the memories. it's funny how sometimes, a place with no real significance holds a threshold of memories and lessons for a person. best friend, i'd thank you for challenging me to be true. i still struggle with that, but, i'll look at this white bracelet and rememeber michigan and little glimpses outside the chinese takeout box that you all provided for me. (well, okay i lied, it's kinda dirty. it's not so white anymore. but i call those... experiences that shouldn't, wouldn't be forgotten.)

best friend, take care of yourself, okay? in college, in life and beyond. you said you went to church.... maybe i'll see you one day with our Dad. if then, remind me to thank you.

until later, best friend.


add a thought?
i hope you never stop dreaming big.
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