incoherent thoughts

Mercyme - Breathe

ithaca is gorges.

and i sit here. trying to breathe in all of the last two days. trying really hard not to get soaked up in the excitement that comes after finding a college that i'm actually excited about - where i wandered around by myself for a good half of the day, attending a real professor's lecture (engineering calculus II) and actually being able to follow along. after meeting people who would be in the same graduating class. after seeing the dorms and trying to picture where i'd put all my stuff. after finding out that our tour guide, Jenny has a job at NASA over the summer working on moon landing gear... and she's a sophomore. after wandering around the White Room and figuring where would be the best spot to plop down with my labtop and a book. after standing on the bridge on East street, looking at the waterfall, and wondering what God would do in my life and in the lives of those around me if i went to this one school....

and i get pulled back into reality. i loved the school. my parents didn't.

when i was in california, all i could think about was how much i missed people, things, objects back home. how friday night went, how sunday morning/afternoon went, what people were doing. and when i came back... it was an overwhelming sense of displacement, like i was exactly the same but everyone else moved on.

ithaca was not like that.

it's that same rush when you know you're being pulled into the unknown where nothing is certain except for the presence of God. especially after a ... uncomfortable morning? at the baccalaureate meeting, seeing people there, having to give a message with people with whom have those 'bad' reputations, who i've quietly ignored in the hallways. and finding myself saying... hey, let's look at this passage. hey... let's get together next weekend to pray for us, for this ceremony, for our school. and walking out of the meeting feeling strangely excited.

i walked to uris library, looking around, wondering about the churches in the area. thinking about the friday night yg, but not.. worrying. praying. knowing God'll do great things regardless of whether i was there or not. ready to sign that acceptance admit and send it in. ready to apply for housing and dining plans, because the food there was quite yummy.

maybe i'm getting ahead of myself? =/

trying to remember His faithfulness in my past, the broken, battered shards of a life left behind for something greater. trying to follow Him, when i don't like where it's going. when i finally don't want to go to UIUC. God's the same anywhere. maybe i'm being selfish when i want to be with Him at cornell =/ trying to... pray.

as we drove back
a mixture of orange and blue
swirled in a magnificent mixture
and i begged the sun not to set
but it

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