Currently Playing: Whole Again - Jk0h

It's so close. I can feel it right in front of me.. the edges are becoming sharper and I feel that if I just reached out I could almost touch it...

Gah... sometimes I just hate how desenthisized I've become. Things like little prayers being answered don't excite me anymore, talking to a sister or brother in Christ just becomes another check on the to-do list, and praying just becomes... a habit. Where did that excitement go?

Then I think about all the struggles everyone is going through.. and I have this tendency to push aside whatevers going on in my own life to be there for other people. It becomes... something to keep me busy?
But then I realize that other people have it so much harder than I do... I should be thankful for being able to know people to pray for me and listen... and even if I can't go to church, it should be okay because I'm sooo blessed already....

... Why can't I have that mentality more often =/

I wish I could just... be a little kid again. And be taken care of ... maybe I can't handle all this responsibility. Little things are just testing my temper too - I usually don't get angry, but I must've snapped at at least four people last week..... sigh. I'm sorry... I don't mean to yell... I don't mean to be a bad friend... I don't mean to not make it to meetings... I don't mean to do any of it...

Sigh. I need to just... stop. I need more GOD in my life. I need to grow up.

Haha, and the ironic thing is.... if someone IMed me right after this and asked me how I was doing... I'd probably tell him/her I was good.... what a funny world.......