flat out

Currently playing: When I Go Down - Relient K

I took a nice long walk outside for gym.

The sky was beautiful... I remember looking up and just looking at the clearest blue sky.. then closing my eyes and just let the fresh air consume me.

A lot of things came to mind while I was walking... I thought about what I expected out of myself, and how those expectations were based on... just stupid things. I thought about how I was acting with other people, and whether or not I was being sincere in my efforts... I thought about how much pressure I was putting on myself do "perform well." That mentality haunts me.. the thought of how many minutes, how many people, and how good of a Christian I am is the antithesis of who I want to be.

But nonetheless... I walked back into school feeling a little chillier, a little more antisocial, but also a little more content. Thanks dad =)

I was listening to this song called Which to bury, us or the hatchet by Relient K... and it totally reminded me of some.. past experiences. I think lately what's been worrying me is just how little I do think about it and how fast it's been erased from my memory.. To be honest, I'd be perfectly content just never trying to fix things again. But... *sigh* that's not enough. One of these days, I need to sit down and really bury this hatchet... because there's just no "almost" in a friendship. It's kinda ironic how these things turn out though... when I think that things are finally done and over over with... they have a funny way of coming back to push everything else to a screeching halt. So... yeah. One of these days.

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